Picture Post...

Family picture at Chinook Pass in Washington State.

Norah with her Great Grandma Neeley.

Norah playing with daddy on the floor.

My sweet sleeping baby.

Norah and mommy at lunch a few months ago.

A Happy Life

I'm sitting in my living room, watching the Today Show, sipping my iced latte and watching my sweet 9 month old Norah shred an old issue of Real Simple. I love my life.

Every time I have these feelings of complete joy and happiness, I find myself amazed that Geoff and I are finally here, in this place. A place where we have a beautiful home, good stable jobs and a baby girl who is happy and healthy. God is so good.

It's Just a Dream, but Who Knows...

I have this dream to own my own business some day, and more so then ever before, I am attacking this dream head on. I hope to be a small business owner some day and I'm hoping that that someday will be sooner rather then later. So...just wanted to share that.

If anyone has any advice, let me know.

A Brief Post..Well, Kind of Brief.

I started this blog over two years ago, which is CRAZY to me, but I started it with the complete intent of using it to empty all of my thoughts on all topics, but mainly on topics of being a new mommy for my Parker. Oh my goodness what a change has taken place.

Parker is still the main topic of each post, but for a drastically different reason then originally thought. Originally, each post was going to be about being a new, working mom, but after Parker's death, it turned into a way to grieve, heal and grow. This blog has been so therapeutic for me in every way. To write the posts helped, to read the comments helped and then to go back and reread each post has helped as well.

My how things can change in the blink of an eye. Never did I think, two years ago, that I would be volunteering at Lifeline pregnancy center, helping grieving moms heal from their losses. Never, in my wildest imaginings did I think that Geoff and I would get the opportunity to be on air sharing our story of loss and healing. Never, did I imagine that my heart would hold a spot for my son and for all babies who have past and their families who grieve. Never did I think any of this would happen, but it has and I am so thankful for the opportunities that have been born from our tragedy.

I feel like a broken record sometimes, but I just find myself so amazed at the mysterious ways that God works and moves in times of loss. Romans 8:28 is so true, God does take ALL things and work them for the good of those who love him, those who are called according to his purpose.

So that's it, that's all. Nothing horribly profound, just a random rambling.

OH! and a prayer request. If you could, ask God to help his will shine through the idea of starting a support group for families who have lost. I would appreciate this greatly. It is my distinct desire to minister to grieving families. I feel God has a place for me to do this work, I just need direction.

Thanks everyone!

Have a blessed Wednesday

***

One more thing, Parker's little sister Norah is 9 months old today!!! :)

30 Days and Counting

Today is August 17, which marks 30 days (1 month) until the big 2-7 for this momma! I cannot believe that my twenties are slowly winding down. I keep telling myself that my husband Geoff thinks I'll be the hottest 30 year old mom on the planet, so ending my twenties is ok...we'll see. (I am sure that several of you out there in the internet universe are probably shaking your heads and rolling your eyes...sorry, I'll quit griping).

On another note, here is an update in this little Harmon house.

Norah had her first tooth break through earlier this month, with the second one close behind! She's slowly getting her toothy grin that I've been dying to see. Also, we experienced, for the first time, what it's like to have a sick little bambina. It was rough. A few Saturdays ago, sissy broke a temp of 103, which freaked me, to say the least. The yuck lasted a few days and finally ended about a week ago. She is now, back to her normal, grinning, chatting, giggling self.

Geoff is about to start his 4th (I think) year at River Valley Elementary, which is always an exciting and somewhat stressful time for us to get back in the swing of that routine. It looks like it should be an easy transition this year. He has loved being home, the past few months, with peanut being "Mr. Mom" (and he does a great job, I might add).

For the past few months I've been volunteering at Lifeline with Willie, helping out with grief counseling and it has been such an AWESOME experience. I still have a dream of starting a nonprofit or at least helping families who have lost like Geoff and I. Willie has thrown around the idea of starting a support group, which I'm hoping to be apart of. I've also been thinking about the fact that, this September 15th will mark Parker's 2nd birthday and how our family will go about honoring that day. I'm hoping, this year, to start a tradition with Norah on that special day, something to help her get to know her brother as well as honoring his memory.

So that's about it. Life in this little Harmon house is pluggin along. Norah Joan is growing like a weed and getting cuter and cuter by the minute. Crawling looks like it's in her future, but I'm ok with her taking her time on that one.

Have a blessed day everyone! And remember, you only have 30 shopping days until my BIRTHDAY! :)

The sunshine...so warm

I sit here, on our back porch under the shade. The sun is shining so bright and beautiful. The wind gently stirs my hair, brushing it around my face. Geoff is mowing the lawn, Opie, the chocolate lab, is sprawled out at my feet while Norah sleeps peacefully in her crib inside. I breath deep and think of how wonderful our life is. God has brought us so far in these last 19 months. Who woud have thought that the pain I felt so deeply, so richly, so tangibly, at this time last year, would today, at this moment, seem so distant.

These last 5 months since Norah's birth have been the best in a long time. She is such a joy. We knew that her birth would bring much healing to our lives. It would be a physical showing of God's blessings as well as a way for us to prove to ourselves that we are able to have healthy babies. We also knew that her birth and life would bring to us, the full awareness of what "could have been" with Parker. Norah as a newborn held striking resemblence to Parker as a newborn. They had the same long fingers and little button nose. We figure that they would have been the kind of brother and sister where people would have said, "You must be Parker's sister" or "You have to be Norah's brother". Those are such fun things to think about and those are the thoughts that her birth has brought about.

Also, some other things that have come about since her birth is the common question of, "is this your first". This was asked of us quite a bit during my pregnancy with Norah and it's one that I don't know that I'll ever get used to. It's one of those questions that you can't answer, well that I can't answer very quickly. Often times the question catches me completely off quard and takes my breath away. I find myself pausing and saying, "Uh..." before I answer. Usually, I will respond with, "Yes, this is our first," but on a rare occassion I will stop, pause, consider what reaction I may receive by answering honestly, and then proceed with, "No, this is actually our second." This then brings about two possible reactions. The first is, "Oh ok," which is my favorite, because then I know that I won't have to navigate a potentially awkward conversation for them not me. The second possible answer, and less common, is "Oh, how old is your first?" to which I respond, "He would have been a year and a half" and then I wait for the "would have been" part of the answer to sink in. Usually this takes a second or to, and then the person frowns a bit, looks at me to understand what I meant and then says, "Would have been?" Then I get to do, what I love to do, and that is talk about my Parker and tell his story. This part of the conversation is often times pretty awkward, at first, but nine times out of ten it ends up to be very rewarding. I have met more women, who have either had a family member or friend that lost a child, or they themselves lost a child. And I have found, through these women, that there really seems to be an unspoken bond that forms after discovering this about one another.

I'm not really sure how to end this post. I feel I need to end it, because I could simply go on and on, so I will stop now and keep posting at another date. I do plan on posting more often, because I miss being able to "throw up" my thoughts. I miss being able to give updates on life and how God is still moving, still healing and still growing Geoff and I closer together through our son's death. I also want you all to get to know my Norah, she's a doll and an absolute blessing.

So stay tuned, life in this Harmon house is truly a blessing and a joy every single day of the week. I cannot wait to start sharing it with you all again.

Hello Strangers :)

So I have realized that I'm averaging about one new post each month. HA! So I haven't completely fallen off the face of the earth.

Here's an update on life in the Harmon house with Norah's near arrival.

September 15th we remembered our Parker's birth. The day started like "normal," just like any other day, but ended up feeling like a mixture of really special and really sad.

Around 3 in the afternoon I received a beautiful bouquet from my parents that was delivered to me at work. Then, I went home, Geoff and I had a nice quiet, easy meal together. After that we went to Costco, bought a beautiful bouquet of autumn colored daisies to take to the grave. This was when I saw my Geoffrey struggle with what this day was all about. I asked him what was wrong and he said that this day made him really focus on what we had gone through. Not to say that we haven't focused on it, but being that it was his birthday, Parker's birthday, was something that we couldn't just shoved to the back and not focus on.

So we went to the cemetery, parked right by his grave, took a deep breath, took the bouquet and walked to his grave. We laid the flowers on his headstone and stood there for a while and talked about Parker. Then we (and I know this is going to sound strange) walked around the baby area of the cemetery and looked at the other headstones there. Then around 7:30, closer to 8 we went to Geoff's parents house to have ice cream sundaes. We ate delicious sundaes, laughed and had a great time. Then Geoff's mom gave us this gift that, evidently she had been holding on to for quite some time. It was a sketch of a hospital picture that was taken of Parker in the bassinet after he was born.

The hospital picture itself is raw. It makes him look horribly pale. You can see the skin on his face and hands that was starting to peel. You can clearly see where his eye was bruised and swollen due to labor. You can also see that he is (and I know this sounds weird) but he looks, I don't know how else to say this, but he looks obviously dead in the picture. It's just an awful AWFUL picture. The first time I saw it was back in July. I pulled it out of the envelope and nearly collapsed in anguish at how bad my precious baby boy looked. It was not how remembered him at all.

SO...back to the gift. When I began to open it, I realized that it was a frame. My heart began to pound out of fear that maybe she had taken the liberty to have the hospital photo framed. I didn't want to open it, but I kept unwrapping. After it was all unwrapped, I turned the frame over to see the picture and my breath was taken away. He looked perfect, perfect, perfect in every way. There is no other way to descibe the sketch.

We all cried over the sketch and were in complete awe of how much it looked just like him and the best part, he looked absolutely peaceful, as if he was sleeping. This sketch hangs in our hallway for all to see. It hangs proudly on our family wall under a photo of Geoff and I on our wedding day. Once Norah arrives, her photo will join his there as well.

At the end of the evening Geoff and I went home, cried a little more for our Parker, who we still miss with every breath, and then relaxed for a bit before bed.

***

These days, these past few weeks, I have officially entered the final countdown stage. We only have 5 1/2 weeks until Norah's arrival and that is thrilling, plus I am started my weekly appointments now at 33 1/2 weeks, which is great as well.

At our 32 week appointment, we had another ultra sound and got to peak into Norah's world. She is absolutely beautiful (we got a 3D picture of her face). We wish that we could just have her now and be enjoying her already, but we know that she needs to grow and get stronger, so we'll be patient.

Dr. Rudeen measured her head, her abdomen, her spine, everything and it all checked out great. She currently weighs 4 lbs and is measuring right on schedule which is great! A few weeks ago she was in the breach position, but that is no longer the case (praise the Lord) she is head down now.

The weekly appointments, that I mentioned earlier, that I'll be starting, will be NSTs (non-stress tests) that women categorized as high risk receive, as well as other basic monitoring that all women receive (such as, heart rate, growth, etc).

Geoff and I are praying that the last few weeks fly with no complications and that before we know it, it will be November 18th and we will be headed to the hospital to get induced. So pray with us that these next 5 weeks just fly fly FLY fast.

I'll try to keep you all posted until then.