The Story of Stupid "Deb"

Friday was a pretty good day at work, all except for one stupid member. I simply need to vent about this.

I was sitting at my desk, when this member walked in, we'll call her Deb. Deb opened the door to the credit union and yelled, "You're still here!" I looked up, smiled and said, "Um...yep." She then approached my desk and said, "So when are you having this baby?!" Now, for those of you who haven't seen me since having Parker, I think I've bounced back rather nicely. For pete's sake I'm able to fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans only 2 1/2 weeks after having Parker. My tummy is pretty flat again too and only a little loose skin remains. So I'd say I'm looking pretty good! Anyway, I looked at her to see if she was trying to be funny. After realizing that she was serious I took a deep breath and gently said, "Well, I actually had my son 2 1/2 weeks ago." Her eyes widened, her cheeks turned red (rightfully so) and she said, "Oh!" She then looked at my tummy, her eyes widened even more and said, "Oh my gosh!" I then went on to gently say, "We had to deliver him five weeks early because his heart had stopped." She said nothing. For some reason I felt the need to tell her that he was big and so stinkin cute. She took this to mean that he made it, to which I responded, "Actually he did not make it. His funeral was Thursday the 18th." Deb's eyes started to turn red, they filled with tears. She got very quiet. I thought our conversation was over. So I started to process her transaction. Pretty soon she started talking again and what she said blew me away.

Deb started to tell me about a woman she knew who lost 4 babies. As Deb put it, "I knew a woman who lost 4 babies that way. And oh, she wanted babies so bad. She really wanted to be a mommy. Poor thing. And my mother lost two babies that way too and it nearly killed her." I could not believe what I was hearing. How dare she think it's OK to tell me all of this. How dare she think that I want to hear what she's saying! I couldn't believe it. My jaw dropped. I just stared at her. I didn't know what to say. In fact, I can't even remember what I said. I'm pretty sure I said something like "wow" or "oh my word". I was shocked. I was shocked, I was speechless, and I was ANGRY!

I finally finished her transaction and sent her on her way. When she left I waited a few seconds, then turned to my co-worker Linnea and said, "OH...MY...GOSH! Did you hear what she said!?" Linnea immediately started apologizing. She said, "I'm so sorry Rachel. I thought we told everyone, but she just doesn't come in very often." I reassured Linnea that it was not her fault, that woman was simply an idiot. Some people just need to be slapped, and she was one of them. I went to the break room, took a moment to calm down and then finished my day at work.

When I got home that night I told Geoff about what happened. He said that I should have just been brutal with Deb. He suggested that I lean in and say, "He died, OK!" He felt that would have made her feel like the jackass that she was. That made me laugh. He's so good to me.

I understand that not everyone knows what to say to someone who has lost a loved one, especially a baby. I understand that some people try very hard to be comforting and fail miserably. I get all that, but how on earth could Deb have honestly felt that telling me about a woman who lost four babies would be COMFORTING!

Here's something that we can all learn from Deb's stupidity. Do not ever tell a grieving parent, especially someone who has just lost a baby, about someone who's lost several babies. THAT DOES NOT HELP! Lord bless "Deb" the idiot.