Hello all! :)
I'm officially back "from hiding". I have been sort of avoiding the blog because I so desperately wanted to talk about my current pregnancy. Now that the "cat's out of the bag" I can blog again :).
Let me catch you all up on the fun and exciting news.
Round about the middle of February I finished my birth control at which time, Geoff and I decided we were ready to start trying again. Now, we thought that it would take a few months at least, but were shocked to discover that we got pregnant on the first try (CRAZY!). With Parker, I was off the pill for 5 months before we got pregnant, but with this baby, it only took one try. Which sort of cracks me up, because all growing up, my mom would always say things like, "it only takes one drink (to know if you're an alcoholic)," "it only takes one cigarette (to get addicted to nicotine)," and "it only takes one time of unprotected sex (to get pregnant)" She is so wise!
At grief counseling, with Willie, Geoff and I discussed how we would feel if I was pregnant, the night that I took my first test. I was sitting on pin and needles with excitement, while Geoff was a little nervous. When we got home that night I took the first of four tests. It came out positive. My heart lept with joy. I came bouncing out of the bathroom into the living room waving the test around (with the protective cap on mind you :) ). Geoff did not quite share the same excitement that I did. I put the test back in the bathroom and immediately went to my husband. I talked with him about how he was feeling. He simply didn't want us to forget Parker and become consumed with this new pregnancy. There is simply no way to ever forget my Parker.
We then sat and talked about how Parker will always be our first born and how this baby will NEVER be the replacement baby. This baby is our second born and I have made a conscious effort to tell people, when they ask, that this is my second pregnancy.
Anyway, that next morning, at around 5am, yes, 5 o'clock in the morning, I woke up and took the second of four pregnancy tests. That one came out with the exact same results, but in the back of my mind I was still in denial. There is just simply no way that we could have gotten pregnant so fast...right? I mean, who does that except for people named Fertile Myrtle right? Two days later I took the third of four tests, which came out positive, but was still not enough proof that I was pregnant. Even the fourth test, that I took at Lifeline Pregnancy center, that came out positive (glaringly positive I might add) didn't even give me enough proof. It wasn't until our first ultrasound at 6 weeks that this pregnancy started to sink in.
That day was a nerve-wracking day to say the least. I honestly believe that until you have experienced a silent sonogram, it will be far to difficult to understand the emotions of that day. The last sonogram we had was when we were dealt the heavy blow that Parker had died, so this day, was so surreal in so many ways.
It was an internal ultrasound (which are so not fun, and the little scope or probe they use, just looks wrong on so many levels...I'll save you the description, but when you see it, you think it belongs in a shop full of sex toys...nuff said). Anyway, the screen was switched on and at first my uterus appeared empty, to which I thought, "OK, so it was a chemical pregnancy, I can take that..." but then, all of a sudden a tiny little jumping bean appeared and my heart lept again. There it was, our sweet second child, jumping to the rhythm of their tiny, microscopic new heart. Thank you God! I stared at the screen, but heard nothing because, according to Dr. Rudeen, it was just too soon to hear the heart beat. He then went on to quickly say that it looked like everything was progressing well. The baby's yoke sac was perfectly round (or as Dr. Rudeen said, "you have a perfectly smooth yoke sac" to which I thought, "thank you...I do try") and there was no evidence of any blood pockets, which is a good sign. So everything was looking really good and healthy. At that ultra sound, the baby measured at 6 weeks with a due date of 11/28.
Our second ultra sound came two weeks later so we could hear the heartbeat for the first time. Again, my nerves were all over the place leading up to that ultrasound. Geoff and I walked in, my heart beating a mile a minute. Polly took my blood pressure and said it was a tad elevated. Dr. Rudeen came in and performed the internal ultrasound. This time, the baby was much larger than the first time we got to spy into their little world. I am amazed at the amount of growth that took place in just two weeks. While I was marveling at how sweet the baby looked, Dr. Rudeen flipped a switch and the room was filled with the most soothing whooshing sound. To hear that sweet whooshing was so comforting and reassuring. The heart rate measured in at 156bpm. A perfect little heart beat, for our perfect second child. Dr. Rudeen printed off several pictures to go with our 6wk ultrasound pictures. The baby measured in at 8wk 1day with a due date of 12/1. SO...my due date is some where between 11/28 or 12/1.
Following this visit Dr. Rudeen arranged to see us again in three weeks to listen again to the heartbeat. Our visit was scheduled for May 13th which came faster than I would have liked.
The night before the appointment I woke up every hour on the hour, again, wracked by nerves. That day at work I could barely focus leading up to the appointment. My mind raced with all the possibilities of what might happen. I was so nervous, to say the least. I prayed, recited bible verses and told Satan to go bother a rock.
I arrived at the doctor's office before Geoff and waited patiently. Polly called me back to take my blood pressure, weigh me and have me pee in a cup. Geoff arrived soon there after and we waited in the exam room. Again, Polly told me that my blood pressure was elevated. She also warned us that it might be difficult for Dr. Rudeen to find the heart beat at first because of how early it is, but to "not panic". She then patted me on the knee and told me everything would be fine. I took a deep breath and recited Romans 8:28 "And we know that God works all things for the good of those who love Him, those who are called according to His purpose." In comes Dr. Rudeen. I lay back, take a deep breath again and wait.
I feel the cold of the doppler on my tummy, take a deep breath and wait. The sounds of gurgling are heard, but no tiny heart beat. I take a deep breath and wait, my heart starts to beat faster. More gurgling, then my heart beat shows up on the doppler, deep breath and wait. I look to Geoff and am immediately thrown back to that awful day in Mercy's Labor and Delivery back in September. My heart pounds, I take a deep breath and wait. My heart beat shows up on the doppler again, but no tiny heart beat. All of a sudden as if to say "TA DA!" we hear the fast whooshing of our second child's heart beating. PRAISE GOD! I look to Geoff immediately and see him grinning from ear to ear. I shout out, "THANK YOU GOD!" Then I say hello to our sweet tiny baby.
Dr. Rudeen continues to move the doppler around, chasing our sweet little baby as the baby runs from the doppler. The heart beat would fade out and then come back louder than before at 172+ bpm. SOooo comforting. It felt like another victory, another way to tell Satan to stuff it. Thank You God!
We left the exam room on cloud nine. Now, at this point, I feel like I can finally sit back and enjoy this pregnancy. We only have one more week in the first trimester. The next hurtle we have to jump is the 35th week, our loss week during Parker's pregnancy.
Geoff and I are thoroughly enjoying this pregnancy, together, with God's help every day. We are ecstatic to be pregnant again and we give everyone permission to rejoice with us.
This pregnancy, in no way, replaces our Parker, this is simply Parker's sibling. This baby will not be anything like Parker. This baby will not look anything like Parker. This baby is a new baby, a second child for Geoff and I and Parker's little brother, or sister. This baby does not make our grief for Parker go away, but it does take some of the sting off. This baby will be a blessing, but, again, will in no way ever EVER replace our sweet boy Parker Geofferson.
One more thing, if you could be praying for Geoff, myself and this baby as we continue on this new adventure, we would greatly appreciate it. Each appointment is filled with anxiety and nerves, so if you could be praying for those as well, and for that 35th week.
Thank you so much for all the support you have all offered Geoff and I. We have felt your prayers, felt your strength and we appreciate it more than we can ever express.
Thank you and...YAHOO for BABY #2!
- Kirkland, Washington, United States
- I am a child of God. I am a follower of Jesus. I am a wife, momma, daughter, sister and friend. I love good conversation and hearty laughter. A good cup of coffee is always appreciated. Most of all, I desire to bring others into an experience with Jesus. One that will shape their lives and rock their souls for Him. Geoff is my best friend and amazing husband. Parker is my handsome boy who lives in Heaven. Norah is my bright star and bringer of joy. Tori is my overcomer and peaceful warrior. I live to show Jesus' love to each person He places in my path. I pray this blog strengthens you, comforts you and encourages you and that it MOST OF ALL causes you to want to get to know Jesus in a deeper level.