About Me

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Kirkland, Washington, United States
I am a child of God. I am a follower of Jesus. I am a wife, momma, daughter, sister and friend. I love good conversation and hearty laughter. A good cup of coffee is always appreciated. Most of all, I desire to bring others into an experience with Jesus. One that will shape their lives and rock their souls for Him. Geoff is my best friend and amazing husband. Parker is my handsome boy who lives in Heaven. Norah is my bright star and bringer of joy. Tori is my overcomer and peaceful warrior. I live to show Jesus' love to each person He places in my path. I pray this blog strengthens you, comforts you and encourages you and that it MOST OF ALL causes you to want to get to know Jesus in a deeper level.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Countdown, New Friends, and Sunshine...GOOD STUFF!

I know it's been a while since my last post, but I honestly have not had that much to talk about. Life's been relatively normal for these Harmons. Going to work, coming home, ya da ya da.

Right now, I'm simply counting down the months until we can start trying again. I have days where the baby fever takes over and then days where I'm totally OK with it being just Geoff and I (those days aren't very frequent though:) ). This week I'll be going through Parker's clothes and separating out the ones that are unisex from the boy clothes, that way, whenever we do get prego again, I'll have that all together. Seriously, these are simply tasks that make the time fly faster. Ugh! I am not good with waiting, but thankfully Geoff is so he keeps me focused.

Also, these past few days and weeks, I found myself searching for other mommies who had experienced the same kind of loss that I had. I have met several wonderful women who have lost babies due to SIDS or Trysomy 18, but I had yet to meet any women who had lost a baby due to stillbirth. I needed to find them, I needed to connect with them in order to feel normal. So I googled it. I googled TTC (trying to conceive) After Stillbirth and I found my community.

To find a group of women who were walking the same path, or have walked the same path as Geoff and I, is so thrilling and reassuring. Every woman that I have met, who has gotten pregnant again has gone on to have healthy babies and that is reassuring. Also, the women that I have met who are TTC are so helpful to one another. Encouraging one another, lifting each other up and that's a wonderful thing as well. I am so thankful that I have found these women. I am so thankful that I feel comfortable enough to be emailing back and forth with some of them. That's wonderful. I thank the Lord for this small community of women.

So life is pretty normal, other than all that. Nothing too excited as of yet. I will be keeping all of you informed, have no fear.

OH! One more thing! The sun came out yesterday, after nearly a two week inversion. It was so WONDERFUL! I felt myself immediately brighten up and become hopeful. Seriously, I felt like the sun literally burned away the gloom that was sort of covering my days. I am so thankful to see the sun and blue sky once again.

Thank you Lord for the sun! Thank you Lord for that group of iVillage ladies and thank you for hope! Thank you Lord!!

Friday, January 16, 2009

A Little Quick Funny

There is a member that comes to our credit union quite frequently. We shall call him "Jim". "Jim" is a very sweet man, but sometimes "Jim" says and does things that strike me as irritating at first, but then make me laugh later.

Shortly after coming back to work after Parker's death, I saw "Jim". He knew what had happened and was very sweet. He said he'd been praying for Geoff and I and that he would continue to pray for us. Before he left he asked if we were going to ever try to get pregnant again and I said yes. I then told him that I would keep him posted, smiled and handed him his receipt. This isn't the funny story, that comes a few weeks later.

So a couple weeks later, or maybe a month later actually, "Jim" comes into the credit union again. He comes right up to my window, as he usually does, and looks right at my tummy. I mean, if he had laser vision it probably would have burned a hole right through me. So I catch him looking at my tummy and ask him how his day is going to try to distract him a bit. He looks up at me, smiles and says he's having a great day. Then he says, "How 'bout you? How's your day? Have any good news for me?!" I sit there for a moment, letting the question hang out in mid-air a little while before saying, "Good news?" To which "Jim" responds, sheepishly, "Yeah, you know, any good news?"

Then it hits me, like a silent-but-deadly fart from my big brother Robby (you know, the kind of fart that unexpectedly assaults your nose). I look up quickly, feel my face turn all shades of red, and say, "Uh, nope, no good news today, other than that it's...just...a good day." That's when I think the SBD hit "Jim", because he looks at me and then blushes himself.

I quickly finished his transaction, talked a little small talk and sent him on his way. As he was walking out, I pulled up my pants a bit, in an effort to "tuck in" that bit of tummy that was hanging out and made a mental note to myself to work my butt of that night. (gotta love that)

Now, every time "Jim" comes in, I catch him checking my tummy for signs of life. It's so ridiculous that it's begun to make me laugh.

Oh "Jim" and everyone like "Jim". You just have to roll your eyes, shake your head and laugh.



Thursday, January 15, 2009

A Letter to God, to Parker and to our Future Little One

Last night, after working out, Geoff and I sat in our car, inside our garage and talked about Parker. Following that conversation I was inspired to write a letter to God, to our son and to our future little one.



I sit here today, overwhelmed by the fact that it has only been four months since we met and said goodbye to our beloved Parker Geofferson. I am oddly calm, not near as upset as I thought I would be. I know it's only been four months, but I feel like it has been a lifetime.

He was so perfect, so healthy, so big and yet he did not live. I don't understand, but I won't try to understand. I have grown to believe that you did not cause this and I believe that very strongly. Through these past four months, I have heard several well meaning people say some pretty awful and hurtful things, such as, "everything happens for a reason" or "it was his time". I know that they don't realize what they are saying, but I feel I need to tell them they are wrong. How can you, a God of love, kill babies. I don't believe it.

I believe you comfort Geoff and I when we're hurting. I believe that you walk with those who are grieving and you heal those who are sick. I believe all of that, but I do not believe that you took my Parker. I believe that you prepared the nurses at Mercy to care for Geoff and I. I believe that you prepared Dr. Rudeen to be the best doctor I could have ever imagined during those days in the hospital. I believe that you covered that hospital in your presence. I believe that my hospital room was filled with your Holy Spirit. I believe that you have, are and always will be with Geoff and I as we continue this journey.

I want to thank you God for being a loving God. I want to thank you for giving Geoff and I the strength to walk this path. I want to thank you for going ahead of us and preparing the way.

I also want to thank you for the little ones that you will bless Geoff and I with in the future. I thank you for the hope of new life. I thank you for the courage that you have given Geoff and I, so far, to talk about having more babies. I thank you for filling us with hope and excitement.

We could never have made it this far without you God. You are our Abba, our Papa, our provider and our sustainer. Thank you God.

Your faithful follower



To my beloved Parker Geofferson~

Four months ago today you entered our world. You were so big and beautiful. At 35 weeks you weighed more than your two cousins! What a big baby you were! (no wonder I looked as big as a house) :) You had more hair than I thought you would have. You had long beautiful eyelashes that would have made all the little girls at church envious. Your fingers and toes were so long, just like mine. We probably would have insisted on you playing basketball, or the piano. You had your daddy's nose and your mommy's mouth (but you really looked like your dad). I am sure you would have been a mini of him, we would have dressed you like him that's for sure.

You are loved and missed by so many. I wish we could have showed you off in person, but your photos have truly helped to tell your story. That has become my lifelong mission, to tell your story. I have found that God has given me knew direction to help other families who are hurting in the same way that your dadddy and I are hurting.

Parker, you have drawn your daddy and I closer together and closer to God. You truly are that special little boy that Geoff and I prayed and hoped for.

Last night, your daddy and I sat in our car and talked about you. While we were talking about you, we daydreamed about your little brother or sister. We are totally going to brag all about you to them. We are going to make sure that they know who you are.

You are missed, but yet, we feel you here with us, every moment of every day. We love you Parker Geofferson. We are so thankful for that day, four months ago, when we got to hold you and love all over you. We miss you, but we rejoice that someday we will get to see you again.

We love you Parker!


~mommy and daddy


To Parker's future brother or sister~

Even though you are not here yet, some day you will be. Your daddy and I daydream about that day when we are ready to continue our family. We daydream about what life will be like bringing you home. We daydream and wonder about what you'll look like. We wonder if you'll look like your big brother, or if you'll look completely different. We already have a name picked out for you if your a boy or a girl. We are so excited and because of that we are slowly preparing to, in the future, bring you into this world.

It may seem kind of silly to write you this letter, even before I'm pregnant, but I wanted to record my thoughts and emotions regarding your eventual birth so that some day I may read this back to you while I hold you tight.

You are not going to be our replacement child, but rather our subsquent, our second blessed baby. You will have some big shoes to fill, but your daddy and I know you will fill them eloquently. I look forward to that day, when all of our dreams come true again. I look forward to the day when God blesses our family once again.

We love you, our future little baby boy or girl.


~mommy and daddy

Monday, January 12, 2009

Have you ever...

...thought about throwing away the rest of your birthcontrol pills without telling your husband?

Evil I know.

No worries, I'll behave...but it's tempting none the less.

Friday, January 9, 2009

I heard a beautiful song today...

It's 4:15 in the afternoon here in the credit union. I'm sitting at my computer, browsing People.com when all of a sudden my ears prick up. They are moved to the sound of a beautiful song on the radio, one that I had not really listened intently to before. Have you ever heard the song "Held" sung by Natalie Grant? Well if you haven't, you need to google it or something (I can't figure out how to add a play list to my blog yet). It's beautiful, and the words accurately describe the role that God plays in tragedy...of any kind.

Here are some of the lyrics from the song "Held" written by Christa Wells...
(Verse 1)
Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

(Verse 2)
Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.


That's how I'm feeling right now, if you can spell out feeling anxious and excited all at once. If you could spell it out I'm sure it would look something like that.

I am anxious and excited and so I need to write. I need to write and get it out of my system or else I think I may self destruct.

I am anxious and excited about our future. Last night Geoff and I talked baby talk and we laid out the plans (which I will not lay out here, becuase I don't want to blow the surprise).

We ARE NOT pregnant, no need to get excited, but you can get excited about the fact that we are making plans to continue our family. That is what we talked about last night.

We have concluded that we are going to plan this pregnancy a lot better then we planned Parker's. Not because we think that will make things easier emotionally, but it certainly will financially :) . So we decided that we should plan this pregnancy and actually TRY to get pregnant, rather then just letting things happen.

I am so excited though. I am so excited and anxious to get going! HA! I hope that's not too much information.

We ARE NOT trying yet, but it will be soon!!!! AAAHHHGGG!!! That's what I'm so excited about. So, now if only the next few months could fly by I'd be golden.

(PS. let's keep this just between us ;) I don't want everyone thinking we are trying just now. And have no fear, once Geoff and I are successfully pregnant again, you all will be the first to know, after family of course.)

Pray for us. Pray that God keeps this feeling of excitement fresh in our minds. Pray that God continues to give me peace about our subsequent pregnancy. Pray that God will continue to shower us with courage, strength and excitement. Thanks friends!!!!


Thursday, January 8, 2009


I saw a tiny six week old baby boy today...I did OK, but I was kind of shaking the entire time that I was looking at him. It was weird. His mom was holding his blanket, it was a polka dot one from Dwell baby (Target), the same one that I was given for Parker, when I was pregnant. That sort of made it feel all the more weird and sting a little more too. Hopefully that's the last time that emotion happens. I'm sure it won't be...

Seeing this baby boy and meeting his mommy made me think of other weird situations that may come...

It's weird, looking at this baby, knowing that his mom probably assumed that I wasn't a mommy. It's weird knowing that Geoff and I were looked at as parents when I was pregnant, and now we are just a simple married couple with no kids. I wonder how mother's day and father's day will be this year. So weird...

It's weird to think that, whenever we get pregnant again people will probably ask if this is our first and I'll have the awkward task of saying no, or choosing to protect them from a very uncomfortable conversation (for them, not me). That's weird...

It's weird to think that my next pregnancy will be with my second child. Even though we never had the joy of raising our first, we will be parents to a second child. Even though we never were able to take our first home and show him off and be apart of "that club", we'll be having our second child. So weird...

It's weird to think about the day when people ask how many kids we have. Will I include Parker in that number? Or not? So weird...

I guess Geoff and I will just have to figure out how we will navigate these situations.

Monday, January 5, 2009


I decided it was time to fill you all in on a few blessings.

Yesterday at church Nancy approached me after the service to let me know that she had visited Parker's grave. She said that she and her family had gone to the cemetery to visit her dad's grave and decided to visit Parker's as well. I was touched and blessed to hear this. I love knowing that people are still thinking about him. Thank you Nancy for visiting my son's grave. It means the world to me.

I feel like, because it has been nearly 4 months, people are slowly beginning to forget about Parker, or they are beginning to feel like we are "all better". The pain is still there. It is not severe as it was in those first few weeks, but the feeling of loss is still present. It is such a blessing to know that there are people who have not forgotten. It is such a blessing to know that there are people who still think about our Parker. What a blessing.

Thank you again Nancy, for visiting our Parker's grave.


As you all know, Geoff and I celebrated Christmas with my family. While we were visiting them, Kate, my 4-year old inquisitive niece, had a few questions for me.

On Wednesday night, after we had arrived and settled in, Kate asked her first question, "Where's your baby?" I stood there, a little startled and said, "He's not here." She then tilted her head and said, "Where is he?" Unsure of whether or not she could grasp the concept of heaven, I said, "He's right here," (pointing to my chest) "in my heart." Kate responded, very sweetly, "In your heart?" I nodded my head in response, "yup, right inside my heart." That was the end of that.

Then, Friday morning, as I was getting ready for the day, Kate came into my room and asked another question. "Where does your baby sleep?" I stood there, again a little startled, heart racing and said, "What's that Kate?" She asked the question again, "Where does your baby sleep in here?" I looked around and said, "Well...he doesn't sleep in here because he's not here." I thought that would end the questions, but it only prompted another question, "Well, where is he?" This time I felt myself getting irritated, so I snapped, "He's not here, OK Kate. There is no baby." I quickly turned around, facing my back to Kate as I finished getting ready. I felt rotten. I couldn't believe how I had snapped at my sweet niece.

Kate stood in the corner of my room, silently fidgeting with my mom's snowman figurine. Then she broke the silence by saying one of the sweetest things my Kate has ever said to me. Her tiny voice spoke these words, "Well, my sister Annie is a baby, so you can play with her if you want. You can tickle her and love her and play on the floor with her if you want." My eyes began to burn with tears. I couldn't look at her because I knew I would have bawled. I just stood there, putting my Parker necklace on and said in a shaky, quiet voice, "Thanks Katers."


Blessings come at the most random of times, like when I'm getting ready in the morning, thinking about a million other things, or when Nancy approached me at church while I was collecting my things to leave.

I love these sorts of random blessings. God is good.

Thank you Lord for these tiny blessings that mean SO MUCH to me.


Friday, January 2, 2009


I thought I would share a few passages of scripture that I have simply fallen in love with.

2 Corinthians 12:9 (all time favorite)
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Romans 8:28
"And we know that God works all things for the good of those who love Him, those who have been called according to His purpose."

Hebrews 11:1
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

and finally, one that my mom used to quote every year at girls camp and one that will continue to be a favorite of mine...

Jeremiah 29:11
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"


I love how the message puts Jeremiah 29:11. It reads, "I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."

I REALLY love how the message puts 2 Corinthians 12:9. It reads, "Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."

I hope that these verses will help you get through whatever tough times you may be going through. I know that they have helped Geoff and I and will continue to help Geoff and I every day along this path.


What Would You Do?

What would you do if you felt alienated? What would you do if you felt like relationships were breaking down all around you? What would you do if you couldn't find the words to express your feelings? What would you do if you wanted to speak your mind, but your anxieties got in the way? What would you do if you felt like people were pushing you away? What would you do if you felt like people were acting differently towards you? What would you do if other people treated you differently then they did before September 15th? What would you do if you felt like crawling in a hole and never coming out? What would you do if you didn't really feel like being around other people?

What would you do to handle life if you lost your child?

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

What would I do? What SHOULD I do?

Help me today Lord...

Thursday, January 1, 2009


So far, 2009 has gotten off to a great start!

Geoff and I woke up this morning around 8:00am and watched When Harry Met Sally. We then rolled out of bed around 11:00am and got ready for a day of shopping. We went to Luxury Mattress outlet and bought a new mattress (YAHOO!). We then headed off to Target, Old Navy and Bed Bath and Beyond (new sheets for the new mattress). After shopping there we headed to Boise Town Square Mall and finished up our day. After 5 hours of shopping, one mattress and two new pairs of shoes later, Geoff and I are now home, sitting on the couch vegging out. It's been a good day and great start to 2009.

As I sit here, on the couch, listening to Miles Davis' Kind of Blue on my iPod Nano, I find myself thinking about 2008 and wondering about 2009.

2008 was the year of Parker. Geoff and I found out, on February 12th, that we were pregnant. The only reason why I remember the exact day is because it's my sister Sarah's and my mother-in-law Vanessa's birthday. It was on that day, in early 2008, we discovered we were going to be a mommy and a daddy. That's how 2008 started for us. 2009 is already off to a very different beginning.

2009 is going to be the year of faith. Faith in what God has in store for us. Faith in how God is going to lead Geoff and I. Hebrews 11:1 reads "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." 2009 is going to be the year of faith.

In 2009, I have faith that God will continue to heal Geoff and I. I have faith that God will work through the loss of Parker to touch others lives in more ways then Geoff and I could have ever imagined. In 2009, I have faith that God will bless our home with a sweet chubby baby brother or sister for Parker.

2009 is going to be the year of faith and I'm so SO ready!