About Me

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Kirkland, Washington, United States
I am a child of God. I am a follower of Jesus. I am a wife, momma, daughter, sister and friend. I love good conversation and hearty laughter. A good cup of coffee is always appreciated. Most of all, I desire to bring others into an experience with Jesus. One that will shape their lives and rock their souls for Him. Geoff is my best friend and amazing husband. Parker is my handsome boy who lives in Heaven. Norah is my bright star and bringer of joy. Tori is my overcomer and peaceful warrior. I live to show Jesus' love to each person He places in my path. I pray this blog strengthens you, comforts you and encourages you and that it MOST OF ALL causes you to want to get to know Jesus in a deeper level.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Pictures of Opie

Nathan meeting Opie for the first time
(he was a little scared...HA!)

Natalie with Uncle Geoff and Opie, just this past summer
(doesn't he look so happy here? :) )

Geoff and Opie, fast asleep on the floor while we were packing to move
to our new house.

Opie, fast asleep while Geoff and I were doing homework
(at our old house, probably sometime during our Jr. or Sr. year of college)

Opie, riding in the backseat of our Civic
during one of many car rides to visit family in Yakima

My neice Kate, when she was about 1, sitting on Opie
He's so patient.

Geoff and Opie at our first house
(this was taken during our 1st year of marriage)

The GREATEST Dog Ever...Opie

On Christmas day, my family did something that we have never done before...we went to a movie.

We all piled into our cars and headed to the theatre to see Marley and Me. It was SUCH a good movie. After laughing and crying I was inspired to write a blog about my favorite Labrador, Opie (full name, Mr. Bailey's Opus).


Here are the basic information about Opie:
~Opie is a pure-bred, Chocolate Labrador
~His full registered name is Mr. Bailey's Opus
~He weighs roughly 90lbs
~He is our "clearance puppy" (see Marley and Me and you'll get that)
~My parent's favorite nickname for Opie is "Opus Maximus" because he's so big
~I have many nicknames for Opie:
~Opie Ropie
~Puppy Roo
~Opie Ropes
~Opie Doo
(just to name a few)

He's been Geoff's faithful dog ever since Geoff was in high school and he has been our faithful dog for the entire 5 years of our marriage. I'll never forget the night I found out I was pregnant. I had come home from work, terrified, with one pregnancy test in hand. I ran in the house, went straight to the bathroom, having only turned on one light in the living room, the rest of house was dark. Opie, and my sister-in-law's dog, Tucker (who we were watching at the time while she was in Argentina) came running towards the bathroom where I was. Both sat right outside the door, waiting for me. After I took the test, Opie walked into the bathroom and sat right beside me while I called my friend Corrie first and then my mom. I sobbed that night, because we were not planning on getting pregnant (however, we weren't really preventing it either). Opie laid his head on my lap while I sat on the couch, talking on the phone with my sister, sobbing. He didn't leave my side that entire night.

During my entire pregnancy that's exactly how he behaved with me. He would follow me all over that house and back. Every time I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, he followed me right there and laid outside the bathroom waiting for me.

I remember that fateful night at the hospital laying in my bed, looking at the ceiling wishing Opie could be there with us. Geoff had to run home to feed him and asked me if there was anything from home that I wanted. I asked him if he could pack Opie in a bag for me and bring him to the hospital. I missed him the most I have ever missed him during those days in the hospital.

When we came home on the 16th, Opie calmly walked up, sat right in front of me and greeted me gently. He followed me all over the house and each place I would "land", whether it was on the couch or in the kitchen, Opie would lay down at my feet or sit next to me with his head in my lap. He never left my side, or Geoff's, during those first few weeks back home without our Parker.

There were a few nights, when I would sit down on the floor next to him, crying and would wrap my arms around him. He's the best comfort for me, next only to my husband.

There was one night, that I was truly impressed with my dog. Geoff and I were sitting on the couch, eating dinner and watching TV. Usually, Opie curls up on the floor in front of the coffee table while we watch TV, but this particular night we couldn't find Opie. I sat up to see if maybe he was behind the easy chair (which is another one of his favorite spots), but he wasn't there either. So I got up and looked in the office, not there. Then I looked across the hall in the nursery, and there he was, curled up on the floor. It touched my heart. He's just the sweetest dog.

When we're happy, he's happy. When we're sad, he's sad. When we need comfort, he's there to comfort us. He's just the best.

I love my Opie, the GREATEST dog ever!


GO SEE MARLEY AND ME! (OH, one more thing, there's a scene in the movie that Geoff and I can totally identify with. Every single thing that the doctor and the nurse say is exactly how it happened to Geoff and I. Then, the way that Marley behaves that night is EXACTLY how Opie behaved...crazy stuff, but I felt like they had taken a snapshot of our lives. GO SEE IT!)

Friday, December 26, 2008

Christmas for these Harmons

Following Parker's death, I found myself dreading his due date, October 19th. However, Geoff and I did so well that day. It had landed on a Sunday. We went to church, had dinner with his parents, like we usually do, and then we went home. It was a normal day, not a single sad thought or emotion in sight.

After making it successfully through that day, I found myself dreading Thanksgiving, to some degree. I was dreading it because it would be the first holiday that we would be celebrating following Parker's death. Geoff and I had no clue how Thanksgiving would be for us. However, when the day finally came, everything was just...fine. It was wonderful, in fact. Grady had invited a friend over for Thanksgiving dinner, BJ had flown in from Arizona, and everything was...fine, perfectly fine and normal.

This gave me hope. It gave both Geoff and I hope that Christmas would be perfectly fine and normal.

As the Christmas season approached, following Halloween...HA, oh just kidding. Anyway, as the Christmas season approached, Geoff and I kept tabs on each others emotions. We constantly asked the other how they were doing, how they were handling the fast approaching Christmas. So far, we were doing just fine. It was great, Christmas looked really hopeful.

December 23rd came fast, this was the night that we celebrated Christmas with the Harmon's before heading off to Yakima to be with my family for Christmas. We arrived at Mark and Vanessa's at about 9:30, following the sad loss of BSU to TCU (sad for Geoff) at the Poinsettia bowl. Geoff and I brought a yummy treat for everyone to enjoy, as well as all of their presents to open. I was so excited to have this early Christmas. We opened everyones presents. A beautiful purse from Stefanie to me, an awesome Ferrari shirt from Stefanie for Geoff, and some other fun gifts as well. It was a great Christmas.

Then, before all the presents were over, Geoff opened up a shirt from his parent's. It was a shirt that Vanessa had purchased for Geoff when I was pregnant with Parker. It has a white background with a bunch of different black guitars on it. She bought the same shirt for Parker, only his was black with white guitars on it. Geoff was with her when she bought them, and knew that he would have to wait until Christmas to have it. The night we found out Parker had died, Geoff thought about those shirts. I think he was sort of excited about that gift in a bitter sweet sort of way. When he opened it, on Tuesday night, he was so excited to finally have that shirt. He then asked his mom about Parker's and if she still had it. Grandma Precious, went downstairs and brought it up, still wrapped in it's Target bag. We opened the bag, pulled out the shirt and held it up to look at it. So stinkin' cute! We decided to take it home and save it for the next little one we have. We decided, boy or girl, they will wear it.

It was a great great Christmas with our Harmon family. There wasn't one single sad thought in sight for us. No "poor us" feelings at all. It was a night full of happiness, laughter and good times had by everyone there. I praise the Lord for a good Christmas with our Harmon family.

That night, Geoff and I opened our presents to each other, then packed up and got ready for our trip to Yakima.

At 11:00am we ventured out on the highway and headed to Yakima to be with our Russell family. We drove over icy roads, through snow showers and zero visibility and finally arrived safe and sound in Yakima. We were greeted by our 4 year old niece Kate, jumping off my mom's lap and squeezing us tight, what a wonderful welcoming. That night, Christmas Eve night, Geoff, myself, mom, dad, Keri and Robby, played a rousing game of Pit, laughed until we cried and were just plain loud. It was a classic Russell family gathering, complete with lots of food, fun and laughter. Geoff and I played with our nieces, 4 year old Kate and 14 month old Annie. We giggled with them, tickled them and loved on them like any other good aunt and uncle. We were so thrilled to be there. At about 11:00pm we all crawled into bed and fell fast asleep.

The next morning, Christmas morning, I got up at around 7:00am, went into the living room and drank some coffee with my big brother Robby and my dad (one of my favorite things to do with them). We sat in the warm living room, I marveled at the tree and all the gifts, and giggled with Annie bell. At about 8:15am Brad and Sarah arrived to open presents with us. We ripped through each and every gift, filling mom and dad's living room with the torn remnants of wrapping paper. Gift after gift was opened. Ooo's and Ah's were heard all around. It was a great morning.

About halfway through the opening of the gifts, mom was handed three tiny boxes wrapped in red and white gift wrap. Each box was for mom. One was from Kate, one from Annie and the last one was from Parker. It was a gift that Keri and I had spoken about shortly after Thanksgiving. This was mom's Grandma necklace. Inside each of the boxes held the child's birthstone. It was precious. We all cried a little as mom opened each box. It was absolutely beautiful. Then following the opening of these three boxes, mom opened the gift from Geoff and I.

Shortly after Parker died, I decided I wanted to get my mom and mother-in-law the same necklace that I have, with one minor difference. Instead of having just Parker's name on it, I wanted all of their grandkids name's on them. So Geoff and I got Vanessa a necklace that has Natalie, Nathan and Parker's name tags on it as well as a pearl, and for my mom we got her a necklace that has Kate, Annie and Parker's name tags on it with a pearl. Both mom's loved the gift. It's something that Geoff and I cherish them having as well.


Christmas has been wonderful for Geoff and I. We have cherished everyone blessed moment with our families. We made an effort this year to make sure that Christmas was a joyous time. We didn't want to allow it to get eaten up in sadness.

I have always considered myself to be a "Glass totally full" kind of girl, and I wanted to hold true to that this Christmas. Geoff and I wanted to make sure that we didn't bury our emotions, but at the same time we wanted to make sure that our emotions didn't bury us. We wanted to experience the joys of Christmas that we have every single Christmas of our lives. We wanted to fully experience the joy of being around family. The joy of Christmas morning. The joy of giving and receiving. Ultimately, we wanted to be free of all sadness and grief, so that we could allow the true joy, the true joyful message of Christmas to resonate within us. We wanted to allow for the BIRTH of our Lord Jesus to be something that we didn't think about with pain, but rather with joy in our hearts, because that is what Christmas has, and always will be about for us, no matter what season of life we are going through.

Yes, we miss Parker, everyday we miss him and think about him But do we dread life even without him here? No. Do we dread the holidays since his death? No, not anymore. We look forward to more children, who will grow up knowing all about their big brother, Parker Geofferson Harmon and who will also grow up knowing the joy that, because Jesus came to this earth, they will some day get to meet their big brother face to face...



Monday, December 15, 2008

I Love Dr. Rudeen!!

Ever since Parker's death, I have discovered just how blessed Geoff and I are to have Dr. Rudeen as my OB/GYN.

On Thursday, Geoff and I went to visit with Dr. Rudeen about getting pregnant again. We had discussed this with him before, shortly after Parker's death, but I needed to hear it one more time.

Thursday, the 11th, at 4:00pm, Geoff and I met with Dr. Rudeen. We sat down, in the same exam room that we had always met with him, and discussed the risks of getting pregnant again.

Dr. Rudeen started off by addressing the normal risks associated with women my age and health level. Being that I am 25, have excellent health and blood pressure, and because I'm slightly overweight (working on that), I have the same risks as any other woman. I have the same risks, as any other woman, of having a baby with Downs Syndrome (1/600). Also, I have the same risks, as any other woman, of having a baby with a genetic defect of any kind (1/500). *whew*

In terms of having another stillbirth, my risks levels are slightly higher than the average woman simply because of my history. He then quickly followed up by saying that my chances of this happening again are very minute. *whew*

Then, Dr. Rudeen, continued by telling me that, once I get pregnant again, I have the choice of having an Ultra Test performed. This is where, between 9 and 12 weeks, Dr. Rudeen would take a sample of my blood and test it against several different genetic disorders. If the test comes back, showing that the baby has some sort of disorder, then I have the option, at 15 weeks, of having an Amnio. performed. Geoff and I aren't sure if that is something we plan on doing. Seeing as how Dr. Rudeen has no concern of us having a baby with any sort of genetic disorder, Geoff and I, more than likely, will not have this test performed.

Following the talk of testing, Dr. Rudeen went on to tell Geoff and I that he will perform extra ultrasounds for us. He will also, in the second or third trimester, have me take a non-stress test as well as hooking up a heart monitor to my belly to monitor the baby's heart. According to Dr. Rudeen, all of these will be performed for my peace of mind and not because he has any concerns of this happening again. *whew*

Finally, Dr. Rudeen stated that, due to Parker's size at 35 weeks (6lbs. 3oz.) the chances of Geoff and I having large babies is strong (Parker would have been upwards of 8lbs or more). Dr. Rudeen predicts our subsequent children weighing anywhere between 7 - 8lbs. Because of this fact, and also because I had a somewhat hard labor (2 1/2 hrs - 3 hrs of pushing), Dr. Rudeen is planning on inducing me between 10 to 14 days earlier than the baby's due date. This does not upset me one bit, in fact, it feels kind of like opening Christmas presents earlier! :) Plus, he plans on taking the next baby early to help with any anxieties I may have as the due date draws near. Dr. Rudeen also went on to say that, if I have any difficulty with the next delivery, he will not hesitate to perform a C-section (which also does not bother me). He said he wouldn't hesitate simply because of our history and the stress we've already been through.

All in all, it was a very reassuring and comforting doctor's visit. Dr. Rudeen simply stated, at the end of the appointment, the chances of us having another stillbirth is very very minute. He also stated that he will be treating me as high risk, simply for my peace of mind. As we were leaving the exam room Dr. Rudeen, stated once more, that we will definitely be able to have healthy, living babies and lots of them. *whew*

Following the appointment I felt like I was floating on cloud nine. Geoff and I were so happy with how positive the appointment had been. Whenever the day arrives, where Geoff and I are ready to start trying again, my fears will be minimal. I will have God and Dr. Rudeen walking Geoff and I through every step of that pregnancy, I simply cannot wait! :)

Praise the Lord!!


The definition of Faith according to Webster's dictionary: 2 a (1): belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2): belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion 2 b (1): firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2): complete trust


Wednesday evening I made a decision to live IN faith. I have concluded that there is no better place or way to live, then by faith and faith alone. That is the only way that I will be able to survive another pregnancy. That is the only way I will be able to stay sane during my next pregnancy. So today, I tell you all this, so that I can be held accountable. Accountable to live IN my faith.

Let me explain a little further how I came to make this decision.

On Wednesday of this week I was talking with a friend of mine about the dream that I had and how I have been praying for our future little ones every chance I get. Then she brought up something that I have never thought of. She said, "You just need to have a little faith baby." It literally blew my mind. She then went on to say that I should thank God for the babies he will give Geoff and I. That I should thank God for the healthy children that we will bring home from the hospital.

So from this day forward, that is just what I plan on doing. I plan on living in faith and hope. Having faith that God will provide the things that Geoff and I hold dear to our hearts and hoping for the best.

Praise the Lord!!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Parker's Headstone

Here are the pictures of Parker's headstone. We decided that the music notes were a perfect representation of Geoff and I and what we had dreamed for Parker. The verse 2 Corinthians 12:9 is the verse that we have lived by since loosing our dear Parker Geofferson, it reads:
"9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Oh What a Dream...Hopefully It Will Come True

Just a quick one...

Have you ever awoke from a dream that made you lay there and say, "I hope that dream comes true"? In third grade I had a dream like that. It was of this boy, my crush for that particular week, we were playing on the playground and he ran up and kissed me. Then he grabbed my hand and asked if I'd like to be his girlfriend. Next thing I know, my mom's calling my name, telling me it's time to get up for school. *Poof* the dream is over. I desperately wanted to either sleep forever or have that dream come true, unfortunately neither happened. I went to school that day and the dream never came true.

Last night, I had another dream that made me lay in bed this morning hoping it will come true. The dream goes like this...

...I'm sitting in a chair holding a newborn baby. The baby looks similar to Parker, but I know that it's not Parker. The baby is wearing a red outfit. In my dream I can feel that the baby is very chunky and heavy (which is such a treat!). In my dream I can also see that the baby has just a skiff of hair. I'm not sure if the baby is a boy or a girl, but in my dream I'm feeling like it's a boy. Anyway, as I'm holding the baby, with one hand under their head, and the other under their rump, I'm staring at the baby's belly making sure it's breathing. In the background I hear Geoff say not to worry, that everything will be fine. I keep staring at the baby, examining the baby's face and then looking at the belly again to make sure the baby is breathing. Again, in the background Geoff tells me not to worry. Then the baby starts to cry, I can't hear the cries. I start to rock the baby gently as it slowly calms down and falls asleep. I continue to hold the baby, afraid to put the baby down, watching the baby's belly fall and rise. Geoff tells me, once more, that everything is fine and that I should let the baby sleep. That's it. The end. The alarm blared loud and I woke up.

What a beautiful dream. This was one of the most reassuring dreams I have had since Parker died. When I was pregnant with Parker I never had a dream like this. I never dreamt of holding Parker, never dreamt of having him here with us. So to have a dream of another baby, possibly one of our future little ones, is so SO reassuring!! Praise the Lord for reassuring dreams.

A Beautiful Moment & A Beautiful Tribute

Yesterday, on facebook, my girlfriend Corrie left me this message, and I just HAVE to share it here.
(Just a little background: Corrie and her husband David attend our church and they have a sweet little girl named Alexandria, who I believe is around 18 months old.)

"I went to see your Parker today. His headstone is beautiful. The music notes are a perfect reflection of you and Geoff. I'm sure Parker would have been a great musician/singer like his parents, he wouldn't have had a choice :) Alexandria was with me and she was really cute. She stood in front of the headstone and reached down and gently patted it as if to say "hello". They would have been great friends, I'm sure."

I cherish messages like this. Thank you Corrie and Alexandria for visiting my Parker and sharing this beautiful moment.

Finally, here is the note that was left at Parker's grave by Gretchin.
(pictures of his headstone will be posted tonight)

"Parker, I know it is supposed to be your "Birth" day. We will miss you and remember you even though we never met. Your parents are faithfully trusting God to help fill the void they are feeling. They are in my prayers. Many Blessings to them as God is with them minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, for all eternity."

I cherish tributes like this, to my Parker. Thank you Gretchin for the beautiful tribute.

Have a great day all :) I know I am so far :) and HAPPY BIRTHDAY KARA! :) :)

Friday, December 5, 2008

Packing up Hopes and Dreams...For Now Anyway

I wrote the previous post on December 1st, in hopes of having people ask questions, but I was completely blown away by the responses. Not at all what I was expecting. I am blessed. Blessed by each and every one of you that chooses to read my blog. You have no idea how it refuels me, and reinvigorates me. It truly helps to keep me going. So thank you.

This past week has been a great week, in all honesty. Geoff and I have experienced quite a few things that, to me, show how well the healing process is truly going.

Last Saturday, Geoff and I went to Kohlerlawn and visited Parker's grave for the first time. I wanted to wait until the headstone went in. Some time on Friday it was put in, so we decided to go and see how it looked. It's beautiful and perfect in every way. As Geoff said, as we stood there looking down at his headstone, it's exactly how we wanted it. I'll be posting a picture of it soon.

We arrived at the cemetery at about 2:00, Saturday afternoon. The drive to the cemetery was a little weird for me. The last time I drove this route was the day of the funeral, September 18th. A few strange feelings developed, but never really amounted to anything more than nerves in my stomach. As we pulled into Kohlerlawn and pulled up to the section where all the little babies are buried, I was flooded with emotions and moved to silence. Geoff and I quietly got out of the car and walked slowly through the graves towards Parker's. We approached the grave and stood in silence looking down at his beautiful headstone, still covered in plastic to protect the fresh cement from the elements. Above Parker's headstone was the white basket that carried the flowers from his grandparents. Inside the basket, now lays a box, a sweet blue and white deer and a bundle of fake white flower buds. When I saw the deer and white flower buds I figured they were from Betty Mitchell (who lost a baby 50 years ago, her name is Roni Lou and she's buried on the same row as Parker) because the same deer and white flowers laid on her daughter's grave just down from Parker's. I also knew that the basket was from the grandparents flower arrangement, but I could not figure out who the box was from.

I knelt down by Parker's grave, picked up the plastic box and opened it to reveal it's contents. Inside the box were the ribbons that were left after all the flowers died following the graveside service. Also in the box was the banner that laid across the grandparents flowers that read, "Beloved Grandson". Then there was another item in the box, it was a beautiful note that was written to Parker on his due date, or his "birth" day. I read the note and tears welled up. What a beautiful tribute to my beloved Parker. I plan on going back to the grave this weekend to take the note and post it here. It's something that I will cherish. I had no idea, at the time, who could have written such a wonderful tribute. I assumed that it had to have been Betty, but then realized who it actually was.

Ever since Parker died, Gretchin, our churches administrative pastor, has been visiting Parker's grave. She goes there and makes sure it's cleaned up and looking nice. She is the one who put the box together. She kept all of the ribbons and the banner. She is also the one who wrote that beautiful note. Sunday I thanked her for the beautiful note and asked if I could steal it away from the grave. I will post it here later.

After shedding a few tears and talking about how surreal this all was, Geoff and I headed out for the rest of our day. We had coffee at Flying M, shopped for Christmas presents and went out for dinner. It was a good day, but overhung a dark cloud that was filled with the sadness of Parker not being with us. The dark cloud had formed while visiting his grave and stayed with me the rest of the day. I tried to shake it off, but it just wouldn't leave. Instead of trying to drive it away, I sat under it and allowed myself to grieve a little.

The next day was Sunday. Geoff and I went to Sunday school and church, had dinner with his parents and then came home. We decorated the tree and then relaxed in front of the TV. Geoff had fallen asleep on the couch beside me, exhausted after leading worship that day. I decided, while he was sleeping, to get to work packing up Parker's room. I figured it would be an easy task, and one that I could do by myself.

I grabbed the bins that we had purchased the night before and began to fill them with his clothes. I was doing just fine until I ran across the onesie that my parents had purchased for him at Cracker Barrel the day we found out we were having a boy. It read, "Little Slugger". I held it tight, then quickly folded it and laid it in the bin. Right away I found another onesie that we purchased that same weekend. This one read "Grandpa's my Hero". I looked it over, folded it gently and laid it in the bin. I kept coming across more and more onesies that held special meaning for me and reminded me of specific events during my pregnancy. With each onesie that I came across, my pulse would quicken, my heart would pound, and my face would redden. Finally, it was like my body couldn't take it anymore. I began to breathe heavy, and felt like my chest would cave in, but no tears. I leaned on the dresser, trying to catch my breath. I called for Geoff, "Honey! Babe!! GEOFF!!! I NEED YOU!!!!" Out of his sleep, he jumped up from the couch and ran into the nursery. He asked me what I needed. I fell into his arms and wept for just a little. He told me I didn't need to do this right now. He said that I could take a break, that I didn't have to pack up the entire nursery in one night. It was too late, I had to finish what I started. So I dried my tears, kissed my Geoffrey and continued with my task.

Now, in his nursery, there sits two full bins, an empty crib and changing table, his stroller and his car seat. Eventually, those will be removed and stored in the garage until we are ready and pregnant with the next little Harmon.

Just like the headstone finally being laid at Parker's grave, packing the nursery felt like one more piece of closure. I look forward to being able to revamp that room. To creating a beautiful guest room or an oasis of some kind. I look forward to having a "blank slate" so to speak. An empty room to begin with that has so much potential. But I also look forward to the day, when we can put it all back. The day when Geoff and I will put the crib, changing table, stroller and carseat back in that room. I look forward to that day, but for now, the bins are packed, and the furniture sits, waiting to be put away...temporarily, thank you Lord.

PRAISE THE LORD for helping Geoff and I thus far and into the future! Praise the Lord.

And PRAISE THE LORD for each and every one of you that has lifted Geoff and I up and carried us through this! Praise the Lord.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Monday, December 1, 2008

I Want to Know, So Tell Me!

Do I write about this? Do I "broadcast" this across the internet? I have learned that sometimes I need to refrain from writing certain things on this blog. So do I write about my "blah" feeling anyway? Do I open my soul and tell you what's really making this "blah" feeling? I have always said that I want to be an open book, but is that a good thing? Is it a good thing to let people in? Should I just stop writing and start talking with people? Do you understand why I'm having these "blah" feelings? What do I do? This is worse then hormonal emotions during pregnancy.

This is what I have concluded...

I'm not saying a word. I have said quite a lot. I have told you how Geoff and I have been dealing. I have tried to paint a picture of our grief and how we are doing. I have tried to be as open as possible with the good, the bad, and the ugly of grief. But have I said enough? Have I painted a good enough picture? Have I let you all in enough? Do you all understand? Do you know where I'm coming from and how Geoff and I are REALLY doing? I honestly want to know.

So I ask, to everyone who reads this (all two of you..HA!), is there anything I have not shared that you still want to know? Is there any "stone left unturned" that you would like to have turned over? What do you want to know? What would you like to ask? I am open and ready for whatever questions you may have, so bring 'em! Write them down and I will do my best to answer them. HIT ME! I'm ready...seriously...ask me anything and I will do my best to answer the question to the best of my ability.

I'm ready!