The sunshine...so warm

I sit here, on our back porch under the shade. The sun is shining so bright and beautiful. The wind gently stirs my hair, brushing it around my face. Geoff is mowing the lawn, Opie, the chocolate lab, is sprawled out at my feet while Norah sleeps peacefully in her crib inside. I breath deep and think of how wonderful our life is. God has brought us so far in these last 19 months. Who woud have thought that the pain I felt so deeply, so richly, so tangibly, at this time last year, would today, at this moment, seem so distant.

These last 5 months since Norah's birth have been the best in a long time. She is such a joy. We knew that her birth would bring much healing to our lives. It would be a physical showing of God's blessings as well as a way for us to prove to ourselves that we are able to have healthy babies. We also knew that her birth and life would bring to us, the full awareness of what "could have been" with Parker. Norah as a newborn held striking resemblence to Parker as a newborn. They had the same long fingers and little button nose. We figure that they would have been the kind of brother and sister where people would have said, "You must be Parker's sister" or "You have to be Norah's brother". Those are such fun things to think about and those are the thoughts that her birth has brought about.

Also, some other things that have come about since her birth is the common question of, "is this your first". This was asked of us quite a bit during my pregnancy with Norah and it's one that I don't know that I'll ever get used to. It's one of those questions that you can't answer, well that I can't answer very quickly. Often times the question catches me completely off quard and takes my breath away. I find myself pausing and saying, "Uh..." before I answer. Usually, I will respond with, "Yes, this is our first," but on a rare occassion I will stop, pause, consider what reaction I may receive by answering honestly, and then proceed with, "No, this is actually our second." This then brings about two possible reactions. The first is, "Oh ok," which is my favorite, because then I know that I won't have to navigate a potentially awkward conversation for them not me. The second possible answer, and less common, is "Oh, how old is your first?" to which I respond, "He would have been a year and a half" and then I wait for the "would have been" part of the answer to sink in. Usually this takes a second or to, and then the person frowns a bit, looks at me to understand what I meant and then says, "Would have been?" Then I get to do, what I love to do, and that is talk about my Parker and tell his story. This part of the conversation is often times pretty awkward, at first, but nine times out of ten it ends up to be very rewarding. I have met more women, who have either had a family member or friend that lost a child, or they themselves lost a child. And I have found, through these women, that there really seems to be an unspoken bond that forms after discovering this about one another.

I'm not really sure how to end this post. I feel I need to end it, because I could simply go on and on, so I will stop now and keep posting at another date. I do plan on posting more often, because I miss being able to "throw up" my thoughts. I miss being able to give updates on life and how God is still moving, still healing and still growing Geoff and I closer together through our son's death. I also want you all to get to know my Norah, she's a doll and an absolute blessing.

So stay tuned, life in this Harmon house is truly a blessing and a joy every single day of the week. I cannot wait to start sharing it with you all again.