Today was a pretty good day.
Mom and I went to Geoff's school and took him lunch from McDonald's. We ate in the teacher's lounge at River Valley with the 2nd and 3rd grade teachers. I was so impressed by how each and every one of them treated us. They were perfectly normal, and it felt really good. I had two of the teachers approach me and ask how I was doing. One of them was the PE teacher Kim. For some reason, I thought I had to answer with a witty comment, so I blurted out, "I'm doing good! I was able to button and zip my jeans this morning, my pre-pregnancy jeans so that's good! Minor victories, minor victories." She sort of looked at me and responded with, "Good, OK..." I think I sort of, may have made her feel awkward.
After finishing lunch, mom and I went to the mall and did a little therapeutic shopping. We walked through Macy's and looked at the jewelry. We then headed to Claire's, the one store where I know mom and I could do some serious damage, but we behaved. After Claire's mom and I went into Lane Bryant. We shopped and shopped and as mom was trying on clothes I was hit with a test.
Mom headed into the fitting room and I told her that "we" would be waiting. Evidently my "we" triggered the saleslady to believe that I was pregnant. She asked when I was due to which I replied, "I'm sorry what?" She then repeated herself and I felt my face turn bright bright red. I said, "Oh I'm not pregnant." She then turned a brighter shade of red and said, "I'm so sorry." I then quickly said, "I actually just had my son about a week and half ago so I probably look pregnant because of the loose skin you know." And then I poked my stomach and laughed a little nervous laugh, face still bright red. The saleslady sighed a sigh of relief and said, "Oh, well, congratulations." I then quickly asked if she had any kids. She told me about her 10 year old son and I was relieved. Relieved to not have to awkwardly explain why my son wasn't with me. She walked off and I sat there for a moment, stared at myself in the mirror, pinched my fat and thought about how proud I was of myself. Mom was rejoicing in the fitting room over her find, while I was rejoicing over my ability to successfully navigate such an awkward situation. Mom and I then left Lane Bryant and headed on through the mall to finish our shopping.
One beautiful red scarf, and several other great purchases later, mom and I walked out of the mall and headed to pick up Geoff from work. We got home and got ready to head back out to Applebee's for dinner, mom's treat. We ate a delicious meal of nachos, mozzarella sticks, chicken quesadilla and dinner salads all around. We were stuffed. As we ate, we talked about everything from Geoff's students to our beautiful Parker. As we talked I thought about how proud I was of Geoff and I to be able to sit at dinner and talk about our boy Parker with no tears and no sadness. I also thought about how anyone who was overhearing us probably thought we were in a state of denial with how easily we were talking about him.
I am so thankful for God's goodness and strength to be able to talk about our son. I am so thankful for his strength and continued healing. It was a great conversation. We reminisced about how chubby Parker already was at only 35 weeks. We talked about had he been carried full term he would have been around 9lbs at birth (WOW!). We talked about how much hair he had and how it was a little curly. It was a great conversation with no tears, and no sadness. We laughed about how Geoff said that I could never get rid of him, especially since we know now that he can give me such beautiful babies (it's true, I can't get rid of him, he's too wonderful). We talked about how each of our babies are probably going to be chubby, beautiful babies, just like our Parker. It was a great GREAT conversation. We grabbed our leftovers and headed home.
When we arrived home mom started painting the paver that would read "The Harmons, Geoff, Rachel, Opie, Parker". Mom painted most of the background color, which is the same blue as Parker's nursery and I finished it. After painting Parker's paver, that will sit at the base of Parker's October Glory tree, I got to icing the cookies that we'll take to Mercy Medical Center and Alsip's Funeral home. We made two huge chocolate chip cookies that each read, "Thank you, the Harmons". These are for the nurses at Mercy and the staff of Alsip's who helped us so much last week (truly, it's only been a little over a week since this all began...amazing).
While I was icing the cookies, I wondered about what mom was doing. She didn't really respond, so I inquired a little further. When I walked toward the bathroom, where she was, I found out that she was washing the clip of Parker's hair that the nurses had saved for us. She was being so delicate and careful. I immediately was struck by how much I missed him. I began to feel my eyes burn. I tried to swallow back the tears, but it just didn't work. I cried for my Parker. I said thank you to mom and she said, "Oh, it's my pleasure. I would have been washing his hair if he was here, so this is my pleasure. There's no way I could have left without doing this." I lost it after that. I walked into the living room, where Geoff was sitting on the couch paying bills and told him I needed him to hug me. He cleared off his lap, where I curled up. I held my Geoff and we cried, we cried for what felt like forever. I told him we have to have more babies, maybe 5 or 10 kids. We cried for our boy. We cried for each other. We cried. It's amazing how crying really is cleansing. After that cry, I honestly felt rejuvenated. I felt like it was one less cry to deal with. I felt like after crying we were one more step further along in the healing process.
After I got up off the couch, and gave Geoff his lap back, I looked at the clock and turned it to NBC to watch the Office season premier. The Office is great therapy. Geoff and I laughed the entire time. I need more of the Office, more Dwight, Jim, Pam (YAY there ENGAGED!), more Michael, Stanley, Kevin. I need more of all of them. They make me laugh and they are a great diversion.
Today has been a good day. Today I was able to laugh, cry, be entertained and healthfully reminisce. Today I was reminded of how great God is, and how much he has truly helped Geoff and I through this whole process. Today is one more step along the road toward healing and our new normal. Praise the Lord!!
- Kirkland, Washington, United States
- I am a child of God. I am a follower of Jesus. I am a wife, momma, daughter, sister and friend. I love good conversation and hearty laughter. A good cup of coffee is always appreciated. Most of all, I desire to bring others into an experience with Jesus. One that will shape their lives and rock their souls for Him. Geoff is my best friend and amazing husband. Parker is my handsome boy who lives in Heaven. Norah is my bright star and bringer of joy. Tori is my overcomer and peaceful warrior. I live to show Jesus' love to each person He places in my path. I pray this blog strengthens you, comforts you and encourages you and that it MOST OF ALL causes you to want to get to know Jesus in a deeper level.