Yesterday (Monday the 20th) and today have been good days.
Yesterday Geoff and I went to our first SHARE of Idaho meeting. SHARE of Idaho is a support group for parents who have lost babies due to Miscarriage, Stillbirth, SIDS or early infant loss. There are also parents who have had to make the difficult decision of whether or not to save the mom or the baby (a very difficult decision I am sure).
The meetings are held at the Women's Life center near St. Luke's in Boise. It's a beautiful old house (probably built in the 20's or 30's). We sit in the living room and share the stories of our losses. Some of the women there have had years to grieve their loss. One woman's son would be 4 years old this year. Other woman's daughter would be 11 this year. While other's have had very recent losses. Geoff and I have only been grieving our loss of Parker for five weeks, while another woman lost her daughter in June.
Each of our losses are different. One woman lost her baby due to underdeveloped lungs and therefore could not survive on his how outside the uterus. Another woman lost her daughter due to an underdeveloped brain that didn't allow her to live outside the uterus either. Another woman had experienced several miscarriages (each prior to 8 weeks) after trying to get pregnant for decades. Myself and one other woman had had stillborn babies. With all of these differences we have one thing in common, we never want to forget.
We come to that support group to help each other grieve and to find a safe place to talk about our babies. That is something, aside from our losses, that we all have in common. We need a place where we can meet with other moms and dads and discuss our healing. A place where we can vent freely about frustrations we are having. A place where we can freely share our fears and concerns. A place where people will listen because they know exactly what your saying.
They (the facilitator and other women who have been attending this group for a while) said that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. That there is no time line. That the way we grieve is different from person to person. After hearing that I found that it was totally OK to have bad days or hard moments. I also discovered that it is totally OK to have good days and times when I don't feel depressed.
I am so thankful for this support group. It was a serious blessing to go there last night.
One of the many blessings that came out of this support group is how receptive they were of Geoff. He came with me last night, and turned out being the only guy there. Each and every one of those women made him feel welcome.
All too often the dads are forgotten. All too often the dads are looked over. All too often the dad's grief is completely ignored. This usually is subconsciously done by those around us. They don't realize that Geoff is grieving just as deeply as I am. They don't realize that his pain is as great as mine. They don't realize that he misses his son just as much as I miss him.
A lot of people tend to believe that because he didn't carry Parker for 8 1/2 months that he doesn't hurt as bad. That is wrong. Some people may think that to talk to Geoff about how he's feeling might make him feel more uncomfortable. That is wrong.
Don't forget the dads.
I say this with feelings of anger and frustration welling up inside me. I want to fill this blog with CAPS LOCK ON AND !!!!! EVERYWHERE! I am frustrated at how the dads are looked over.
The dads hurt just as bad as the moms. They cry for their children just as much as the moms do. They miss their children just as deeply. Their pain is just as great.
Remember the dads
Ask the dads how they're doing.
Reach out the dads.
To let them know that you are thinking about him, or remembering him in your prayers means so much. To let them know that you are willing to listen to them, means so much. To let the dads know that you haven't forgotten about them means SO much. To validate that they have lost a child too, means so much.
Dads hurt too.
Dads grieve too.
Dads have lost too.
Geoff lost his son, Parker Geofferson too.
Don't forget the dads...
...because they haven't forgotten.
Pray for the moms.
Pray for the dads.
Pray for the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.
Pray for each member of the family touched by this loss because they all are greiving too.
And don't ever forget...
PRAISE THE LORD!!
- Kirkland, Washington, United States
- I am a child of God. I am a follower of Jesus. I am a wife, momma, daughter, sister and friend. I love good conversation and hearty laughter. A good cup of coffee is always appreciated. Most of all, I desire to bring others into an experience with Jesus. One that will shape their lives and rock their souls for Him. Geoff is my best friend and amazing husband. Parker is my handsome boy who lives in Heaven. Norah is my bright star and bringer of joy. Tori is my overcomer and peaceful warrior. I live to show Jesus' love to each person He places in my path. I pray this blog strengthens you, comforts you and encourages you and that it MOST OF ALL causes you to want to get to know Jesus in a deeper level.