About Me

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Kirkland, Washington, United States
I am a child of God. I am a follower of Jesus. I am a wife, momma, daughter, sister and friend. I love good conversation and hearty laughter. A good cup of coffee is always appreciated. Most of all, I desire to bring others into an experience with Jesus. One that will shape their lives and rock their souls for Him. Geoff is my best friend and amazing husband. Parker is my handsome boy who lives in Heaven. Norah is my bright star and bringer of joy. Tori is my overcomer and peaceful warrior. I live to show Jesus' love to each person He places in my path. I pray this blog strengthens you, comforts you and encourages you and that it MOST OF ALL causes you to want to get to know Jesus in a deeper level.

Friday, January 2, 2009

What Would You Do?

What would you do if you felt alienated? What would you do if you felt like relationships were breaking down all around you? What would you do if you couldn't find the words to express your feelings? What would you do if you wanted to speak your mind, but your anxieties got in the way? What would you do if you felt like people were pushing you away? What would you do if you felt like people were acting differently towards you? What would you do if other people treated you differently then they did before September 15th? What would you do if you felt like crawling in a hole and never coming out? What would you do if you didn't really feel like being around other people?

What would you do to handle life if you lost your child?

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

What would I do? What SHOULD I do?

Help me today Lord...

3 comments:

Brad said...

Wow, Rachel. Such easy questions!!!! I'm amazed that you don't know the answer. The answer is to "Pray and read your Bible more." Right?

You know me well enough to know that I don't buy that as an answer to life's hardest questions. (Your dad knows my opinions on that, too.)

This is the part where Brad takes you in a strong, brotherly embrace, and says, "There are no easy answers."

What do I do? I write. I'm a firm believer that when I'm frustrated and addled, my thoughts get totally randomized. So, I start writing. I will often pick a feeling, and start mind-mapping....just word associating....then, I dig deeper. I explore the words on the page and dig into why I use certain words.

The trick, and you nailed it in your post, is to turn off your internal editor. "What would you do if you wanted to speak your mind, but your anxieties got in the way?" The trick is to just write.

God wants us to hit him with all we've got, Rachel. Look at the Psalms of lament....Psalm 88....David starts "down", and never gets back up. It's one of my favorites. You can imagine him pounding on God's chest in fury, and God just standing there taking it!!!!

If I can't turn off my internal editor, I can't truly come to God with what is on my mind.

If I can't turn off my internal editor, I can't even tell what my mind is thinking.

This is getting long. I'll stop.

Jess said...

I am so sorry that you're feeling this way. I wish I had answers for you, but I don't. Just know that I'm here if you want me. I'm free whenever you need me to be. Love you guys.

Sarah said...

When I first learned about Parker, I was faced with these very questions. And the only answers I came up with was a) I don't want to know and b) not as well as you do.
Your blog/experience has touched so many people's lives. Your strength and reliance on God is inspiring to so many people. I hope you continue to write.